I have stopped breathing.
Despite too many years of chanting: Just breathe Just breathe Just breathe
every few breaths
to quell this heart’s stampeding.
fleeting fears appearing
then, retreating for a moment
in between each breath.
Behind distracted thoughts
a moment exists
as if I were trying
to remember each
and every detail,
I am not.
Unconditionally distraught by inconsistent evidence brought on by unfocused determinations, each leading away from the other. No boundaries to limit new horizons discovered by the light of the moon on a night it nearly lost itself eclipsed by the eternal sun. There is commitment in adventure a contract built between the known giving leeway to the unknown. Exploration of perspectives leads to eventual new perceptions maturing into an inexplicable sense of self.
When all you can hope to do is breathe, but your lungs are coated in dusty exhaustion which sleep cannot cease, it seems self-sabotage is the only relief– on the way to salvation. The subconscious knows what we cannot begin to admit. If admittance were deemed an admirable feat perhaps becoming a being with meaning would be worth it. What is “worth” in the grand scheme of things? A preconceived notion society intervenes in to determine the depth of a person. Our pain is only allowed to go skin deep, anything deeper gets swept under a political rug until dust bunny demons come out to haunt us. Mental illness cannot be fixed until we are each given the right to embrace it.
I cannot tame the rage I irrationally make.
Doom and gloom are my favorite fate
an escape from reality when I am caught up–
what is there to do, but wait?
For an end to a means, or even destiny
to accumulate in one long moment
that might demonstrate existential importance,
maybe that’s what I’m waiting for–
an epiphany to explain what it means to be,
a truth that comes from the consequence of being
rather than seeming to see enlightenment.
A revolution that revolves around social conscious–
the act of caring past the current moment,
perhaps, that is what we need.